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Goudeerlijke en hilarische foto’s van een vader met 4 (!) dochters

De Britse Simon Hooper is vader van 4 dochters (13, 10 en een tweeling van 4 jaar). Op Instagram deelt hij goudeerlijke foto’s over het opvoeden van zijn kroost en we krijgen er geen genoeg van.

Realiteit met dosis humor

De foto’s van deze echte meisjes-vader zijn voor veel ouders een feest van herkenning en vaak enorm geestig. Een plaatje waarop hij boodschappen doet, ging in een paar jaar geleden dan ook in één klap viraal. Simon: ‘Mijn Instagram geeft een realistische kijk op het ouderschap. Het wordt vaak mooier gemaakt dan het is, maar ik wil de realiteit vastleggen met een beetje humor.’ Niet zo gek dus dat zijn account Father of Daughters inmiddels 945.000 volgers heeft.

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Hier wat fijne kiekjes van deze leuke vader die ook nog eens klusjesman, taxichauffeur, zwemleraar, chef, bemiddelaar, de bank, personal assistant én menselijk klimrek tegelijk is.

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Ahhh, Lego – those little blocks that 1). help make imagination a reality and 2). Cause grown adults to cry like children who’ve been biten by a pissed off pet hamster when they stand on them. Between the ages of 6 and 10, I spent most of my time in my room building stuff, chuffed that I completed packs meant for ages 12 to 14. I want my girls to have the same sort of childhood I did so I’ve desperately tried to get them into it, but patience just doesn’t seem to be something this generation has. Within 15 minutes, Marnie was project managing from the sofa, leaving me to relive my youth as I waded through a sea of plastic cubes waiting to piece the flesh on the underside of my feet. What did we manage to create in 30 minutes? A mess basically. Do your girls play Lego as mine just don’t seem interested. #legopain #wecreatedamess #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #fod

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Somewhere between the start of the new year (otherwise known as the “Shit Show 2020”) and now, the number ‘bedtime gang’ members has grown from 1 toy and a solitary muzzy, to 2 babies, 2 cats, a dog called buddy, Peter rabbit, buzz f**kin light-year, 2 muzzies and my very own big ted (who is essentially an OAP and just wants to be left alone) . If just one of the group of misfits is missing at bed time, short of giving them a general anesthetic , it is basically impossible to get them to sleep without ransacking the house to find the furry arsehole that’s gone MIA . Of course, this is my fault for not having a stricter bedtime bclub membership policy, but does anyone know how to reduce this number down to something less than the size of an American football team? All answers welcome. ##bedtimegang #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #fod

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Today I became surplus to requirements as the twins made breakfast on their own. How times have changed – back in 2017, this was what breakfast looked like. Much like a team building exercise at work that no one really a cares about (apart from Phil in finance because Phil lives alone with his cat, captain Whiskerson, & has has no TV) the twins tackled the age old conundrum since bowls were invented – “How do I drink the milk at the bottom of the sodding bowl if the bowl’s stuck to the table?” Ottie opted for the traditional ‘spoon the milk on the table & face plant in it’ – standard. Delilah thought outside the box & employed brute strength to overcome the gravity of the entire planet & poured the bowl, tray still attached, down her gullet. They have come so far and I couldn’t be prouder. #teambuilding #fatherofdaughters #mygirls #dadlife #fod

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Photos really do have the ability to evoke powerful emotive feelings don’t they?! Lying here in my bed at 4am, scrolling through photos on my phone whilst simultaneously battling my jet lag, I came across this picture. Usually I’m fine when I travel (& invariably get told I should call home more often) but despite having my colleagues here & being constantly surrounded by the hustle & bustle of metropolitan life, this photo for some reason made me feel lonely & even further from the ones I love than I already am. I know lots of you would enjoy the break from parental responsibilities and I know I’ll complain about them all when I get home, but the reality is, without them, im not quite the same person. Damn you emotive photos and Damn you jet lag – I need sleep! #missingmyfamily #jetlag #emotionalmess #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #fod

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There comes a time in every parents life that have to face facts – The pile of baby clothes they’ve amassed over the last decade of procreation is now redundant as there are simply no more babies to hand them down to. For us, today was that day, so after mopping up the ocean of tears that accompanies this kind of earth shatter revelation, the next thing to do is organise into 3 piles: 1). Charity donations 2). give to friends and family & 3). sell. The only problem is that after 2 hours, every item that i pulled out of the musty bag we haven’t seen for 5 years was met with “oh do you remember when she wore that to so & so’s summer party?” Honestly, no I don’t as in my experience, only the women in my life seem have the ability to remember what people wore at given points in time, but now that item has some kind of inreplacable sentimental value so it’s going in pile 4). The keep pile, even though we don’t need it. The only thing more frustrating was finding clothes we’d bought only for the kids to grow before they’d worn them. They still had the sodding tags on…… In the end it’s all gone but my god, that was as long process! #theend #nomorebabies #pile4 #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #fof

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T’is the season to be jolly…..however t’is also the season for children to pick up some rank virus, bring it home & transform our house into a large industrial grade petri dish, where that bacteria multiples quicker than a boat load of bored rabbits that have been fed on nothing but Viagra for a month. Armed with our universal ‘sick kid’ kit of a large kitchen bowl, enough calpol to be classified as an independent pharmaceutical company & several damp clothes, for the last 2 nights clemmie & I have been a nocturnal tag team to adjudicate a competition between the twins to see who can produce the most “Christmas spirit”, otherwise known as vomit. It’s Ho ho ho-irrble. Anyone else knee deep in bile at the moment? (fyi clemmie’s the one doing the graft as I have still managed to retained the ability from back in the baby days to sleep through the whole thing & wake to proclaim “I think they’re better – last night went ok didn’t it?!” No wonder I was asked to take the day off today. #fullofchristmasspirit #passthebowl #sickkids #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #fod

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If I ever catch the person that’s been secretly giving the twins pure adrenaline filled snacks before bedtime, they’ll be taking a long walk off a short conveyer belt into a meat grinder. I’ll then make a mountain of sausages so at least some good will come from that person’s existence. Oh hang on, come to think about it, I gave them chocolate at 6.45pm this evening to stop them fighting over the remote control, so in actual fact, it’s me that will me that made into chipolatas. Great. No wonder bedtime was like silent disco that only the kids could tune into. FYI – Weirdly, if you’re having trouble getting your little ones to sleep, showing them this hypnotic video might be the thing that sends them to sleep as I can’t stop watching it and feel knackered now. #bedtimerave #onlywhenimonmyown #twins #parenting #gothefktosleep #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod

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team work makes the dream work. This is especially true if dream in question is to commit domestic based petty snack theft. And what better partner is there to have than your very own genetic clone – this enables the thieves to achieve things to couldn’t do on their own, have water tight alibis and cause genuine confusion when in a police line up. There are however some down sides: 1). these 2 obviously never watched an episode of CSI as the amount of forensic evidence Left at the scene could have filled a bin bag. 2). Double the people means double the noise – they were as subtly as a 1970’s Elton John outfit. And finally, 3). when the caught in act, they immediately turned on each other to save their own skin – Lucky for them I still struggle to tell them apart – In the end I just ate the biscuits and walked away. Crime never pays girls. #eattheevidence #partnersincrime #twinlife #fatherofdaughters #fod #twins

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One moment I’m method acting the crap out of my role as a granny named Lucy at an exclusive tea party hosted by the twins, the next they’ve abandoned me quicker than the entourage of a celebrity embroiled in a sex scandal to act out scenes from a budget version of king Kong. In that moment, I transformed from being an engaged parent to a 36 year old man in tent who’s been left ponder his life choices whilst talking to himself in strange accents & drinking air from a wooden cup. Isn’t parenting wonderful. There’s a long list of things I’ve continued to do when the those with the attention span of an senile goldfish decide to sod off that includes colouring, Lego, playing with dolls & simple puzzles that I time myself to complete because, well, why not! Who else has been dumped mid play & continued on your own? #abandoned #budgetkingkong #thisairislovely #maninatent #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod

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Conventional wisdom tells us that the passage of time through space happens at a constant rate forwards, but when you have children, that changes. I can only conclude that there’s a rip in the space time continuum right above the girls bedroom as time just vanished this evening, leaving me feeling like I’d be screwed hard by a flux capacitor with anger management issues. One moment it’s 6.30pm & I’m rounding them up for a bath, then I blinked & it was 8.15pm the world had fallen apart. Bath time – a tsunami nightmare that would have drowned the entire cast of ‘honey I shrunk the kids’. Teeth – a stand off that ended in toothpaste in the eyes. Story time – A jackanory balls up that left me questioning my life choices. Bed time – a yoga session for hyperactive chipmunks that ended with Ottie hiding for 15 minutes in silence & me shouting down the street in the dark because I thought she’d gone (only to be found eating a chocolate egg under Anya’s desk covered in a blanket). Of course, as I’d focused all my energy on these 2, the elder ones hadnt even had dinner! It may have only been a total of 1hr 45 minutes but I’ve aged several years on the process. I’m stongly considering calling Doc Brown to take be back to 2015 so I can get a vasectomy. #doctakemebacktogetavasectomy #ihatetuesday #screwedbyyimetravel #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod

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Let’s play a game of guess who. Guess who ate their body weight in sweets that they found wedged down the side of the seat? Who relieved themselves in an empty rocky road container without my knowledge? Who decided to leave at 7pm & arrive late at my parents house which is 4 hours away, instead of setting off at a reasonable time tomorrow? Who slept talked about dinosaurs? Who broke their head phone cable so I had to be audibly assaulted with the same episode of ‘the octonauts’ for 2 hours? Who thought having 4 kids was a good idea? Who directed me off the motorway and onto water soaked B roads in the pouring rain so that my precision cargo could back seat drive me the whole way? Out of interest – would you have left late and arrived at your destination late but knowing you’d have a full day the next day, or leave early the following day? #guesswho #mygirls #roadtripinastorm #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod

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Making a plan the night before travelling with the family to festival is essentially making an exhaustive list of things that you’re destined to fail at, ending in a collection of people related to eachother, crammed in car, all hating eachother. Everyone up by 7am – nope. Every needs to help with the jobs – 3 kids immediately vanish to watch the TV & one goes for a 45 minute shower. Only 1 bag each – we’ve moved everything we own 4 hours down the motorway. Be out of the house by 10am sharp – We shut the door while mentally signing family divorce papers at 12.30pm because we all hate eachother. No snacking in the car until at least an hour into the journey – all the crisps have been devoured within 3 miles of home. But we’re here & despite bringng way too much stuff, everyone is happy, ready to shake off the routine and lose themselves to the music. Bring on @campbestival 2019! #gueswhomovedalltheluggage #neverontime #familydivorceproceedings #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod

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I seriously believe that all parents suffer from some form of mild Stockholm syndrome. Depsite being oppressed & forced to work a servant to our pint sized captures, like a free buffet lunch, we always come back for more. This is especially true when I go away for work. The first day I embrace my freedom & revel in that rarest of commodities – silence. But within 48 hours I strangely miss being yelled at & forced to clear up other people’s poo and start to really pine for home. In my mind I would return to 4 perfect children who would greet me with open arms & proclaim their lives were incomplete in my absense. The reality was 50% of my girls acknowledged my return & within 5 minutes my tired jet lagged body had been transformed into fleshy climbing apparatus while i listened to a list of things that broke while I was away & now needed fixing. I don’t think Anya even knows I went away as she’s now permanently hard wired into Fortnite! I sure they missed me but it still amazes me how quickly normality is resumed! #institutionalised #parentingstockholmsyndrome #givemeachance #likeineverleft #jetlag #Fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod

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Did anyone else get the memo to inform all parents that its international opposites day today? No? Me neither but Apparently all children have been informed it’s totally ok to do the exact opposite of what all overbearing full grown humans tell them to do. Case in point – this evening’s Bathtime – I said “please stop splashing! mummy will kill me when I forget to tidy this up later”. What they heard was “please go ahead & start up a toddler induced wave machine the scale of which could be used to test war ships, soak the floor & then flail about like a confined depressed killer whale which will eventually eat it’s trainer”. Turns out it’s fine though as the water has now drained through the cracks in the floor boards & has seeped through the ceiling downstairs. This only even happens when I’m in charge on my own. Coincidence? #bathtimetusnami #theyremakingmelookbad #ineedflooddefences #imadeadman #thewaterisnowdownstairs #Fatherofdaughters #fod #dadlife #instadad

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Another monday, another last minute rush to the shops to avoid the armageddon I.e running out of nappies, wipes & baby crack (milk) for the addicts. I basically live in this aisle of the supermarket now. New parents seem to gravitate to me as an “experienced parent” (i.e. the tired looking guy shivering in the corner) and ask “do you know where so and so is please?” My reponse – “Sure 3rd shelf, half way down on the left hand side, buy 3 & get a discount,although you want to use that in combination with blah blah blah.” I’m like a walking encyclopaedia of baby product info. I used to use my brain to solve global corporate wide problems. I now use it to calculate bulk buy discounts. #ishouldgetanamebadge #bogofking #iliveherenojoke #dadbrain #lifeinthefastlane #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

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Teething is now in full effect and the girls want us to know all about it. An email would have sufficed but it seems they’d rather use their voices to get the message across that they really aren’t enjoying this stage of development. Its not straight screaming, it’s more like the sound a wounded animal might make that just wants to end it all. I can’t blame them though, it’s like a mini scene from ‘Alien’ in there at the moment, just in very very slow motion (and of course teeth don’t then go on to kill you and the crew of your ship so a few subtle differences but essentially the same). #canyoubulkbuybonjela #teethinglikealien #twins #thisisntfunforanyone #doubleteethingisnotdoublethefun #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #daddydentist

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Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the ‘man zone’. I’ve become so used to sleeping on this limited area of bed real estate, that I’m confident that I could sleep on top of a wall & not fall off. On the other side of the bed (the promised land), @mother_of_daughters sleeps like a star fish all night long, kneeing me in the back and generally complains about me coming to bed too late, being too cold or my foot encroaching onto her territory. At least the bed’s nice and warm, even if the reception isn’t sometimes! I hope that next Sunday, on #NationalLieInDay, I’ll not only gain another hour in bed, but more space – but it’s doubtful ! If you want to regain that hour (and some space for that matter) click in the link in my bio, loads of great prizes to be won @SimbaSleep #bedrealestate #livingontheedge #girls #twins #daughters #therestoomanygirls #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #gopro

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Lees ook:
hartverwarmende illustraties: band tussen vaders en dochters
Fotoserie: zó lastig kan het vaderschap soms zijn
‘Vaderschap maakt mannen zwaarder’

Bron: Huffington Post